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The view from Thursday

I am more tired than usual, so if this post makes no sense, I apologize in advance. Garrett woke me up at 6:30 yesterday morning, and twice during the night last night. Now, as I sit at my desk, I only feel about half-alive. Or maybe two-thirds.

I know there are things I need to do (laundry, grocery shopping, changing the sheets, cash a check I’ve had in my purse almost a week, buy stamps, order Caleb’s birthday present….) but for some reason, I cannot seems to do much more than sit here at my computer sipping my coffee.

And on days like this I am thankful to be a stay-at-home mom (although even days like this can be a lot of work; whether I want to or not, I will have to fix lunch and change at least 5 or 6 more diapers before Jason gets home). Thankfully, if none of the things on my mental to-do list happen, the whole system won’t fall apart. I did at least get dressed today, so I feel pretty good about that.

Garrett is finally asleep again, but Caleb isn’t. He couldn’t make up his mind as to whether or not he really wanted to lay down, but he wouldn’t surrender the pacifiers, so I made the decision for him. As I type this, he’s barricaded in his room, not laying down, but standing at the window, trying to get our dog’s attention, completely oblivious to the fact that his bedroom is on the front of our house. But he’s being good, and that’s enough for me right now.

I hope you’re not bored out of your mind by now. It’s so easy for me to get lost in the minutiae of these kinds of tiny details of my life. Some days it’s the little things are overwhelmingly trivial, and I wish my life was grander and more exotic. But today, they’re comforting.

Because if I focus on the little things, like putting my coffee mug in the dishwasher, and entering the Pampers rewards code I just tore off a new package of diapers, I don’t have to think about the big things.

Things like how one of my best friends is moving to New York in a few weeks. And that my little boy will be two next Wednesday and my time at home with him is slipping away faster than I ever imagined it would. And that today my husband is getting keys to our church building, and there’s really no turning back at this point, and our life is about to change dramatically whether I’m ready for it or not.

Those are the things I’m too tired to deal with today. So I’m going to go get another cup of coffee, and maybe give my boy a hug.

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