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Do you have any questions?

I read on Facebook the other day that on average, a four-year-old asks 437 questions a day. Maybe there’s a big difference between three and four, because that figure seems a little low to me. The volume of questions I get on a daily basis from Caleb is, in my best estimate, somewhere in the ballpark of one million.

Oftentimes, he’ll come up to us out of the blue with no prior conversation and ask, “Do you have any questions?” Or, with an equal amount of introduction, look at me and Jason and inquire, “Yes or No?”

Yes or no to what? I have no idea.

So in case you are wondering what it’s like to have your very own live-in toddler, or if your own toddler doesn’t ask you enough questions, please consider the following from an actual 24-hour period with Caleb:

Daddy, are you taking me potty?

Are you taking me potty, Daddy?

Momma, are these your vitamins?
Are these your vitamins, Momma?
What are you doing with your medicine, Mommy?

Do you guys want to get up?
Why not?

What did I do to that table?
What’s this?

Are these pants going to fit me?
Can you pull my pants up?

Can you kiss my finger?

What are you doing up there?

Where does this go?

Where is my water?
Do I need to go look for it?
But where is it?

Can I have some more toast?

Can you help me?

You have to get one more thing?

What is that?
Can you tell me?
What is that?
But what is it?
What is that thing?
What is thing doing?
Howling?
What is that green thing?
What is that guy doing on those?

Mommy, where’s the “D”?
What does this button push?

What’s that white thing?
What’s that white delivery truck doing?

Can I have orange juice?
Can we go to the store and get orange juice?
Can we get orange juice at the store?

What comes after “A”?

Is Daddy coming to Grandma Sarah’s with us?
Do you think we can go to that brick house?
And then we’re gonna run to the office?
You did?
Are you guys going somewhere else?
But you don’t have to leave just yet?
You guys can come in for a minute?
You can?

Are you making me a snake?
Do you think you can make me a snake?
Am I making you a snake?

Do you remember Toy Story?
Do you remember seeing the Toy Story movie?

What are you doing Daddy?
Can I go out there with Daddy?

Can we watch grapes of wrath?
Can we watch grapes of nice?

Is it dying?
It’s dying?
It’s gonna die? (It was a fly, and it did.)

Can I have orange juice?
Can I have some orange juice, Daddy?
Is he gonna have orange juice?
Can I drink it in the living room?
Where’s your water, Garrett?
Is it in my room?
Is this your water?
Do you want me to take it in your room?
Mommy, can you take Garrett’s water in my room?

What are you doing?
Mommy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

What did you do with my cup?

Between stopping to answer these questions, and trying to write them down for your enjoyment,  I probably missed a few (hundred thousand). But if you imagined them coming at you rapid-fire, where no answer seemed sufficient to intercept any follow-up requests, you get the general idea.

So that’s it. Life with a toddler.

Do you have any questions? Yes or No?

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